Random Word Generator

I came across this website that randomly generates easily pronouncable words which may or may not have meaning. I found it to be quite a littonizing experience. Just think how culated you sound when you use such words that others don't understand. A sure way to make it seem that your vocabulary is more decotimated than others.

I intend to use such words in social gatherings with people who consider themselves to be very gislught. That is people who use heavy language to intimidate others and make them feel codiculope about themselves. I will not only make such people codiculope about themselves, but also make sure they are fraught with obsorrecioussent.

Such words can also be used in an argument with a very auriess person to keep him quiet. He will be all wintexplate and will not know what hit him. Just imagine me using "You are such a cosmarianic person that people would think twice before demoduchizing with you!" A nice way to throw him off his coing.

Also, if you wish to be ambivalent about an issue without being too obvious about it, such random words can batewont you. If people don't understand you, they will be all mismish about which side you support.

However, if doctors start resorting to such reterex, it might just get out of hand and cause unnecessary bomblaxas in the minds of the patient and his/her beleflicted relatives. "I'm afraid we have found a puzzwold in your viescrus and we have to perform an omactive test to see how bad it is".

It all boils down to how crewely you use such words and how effective they are in creating a wardwada.

Conditional Probability - 2 Bears

I may be bad at applied sciences but I know I damn good at pure sciences - especially math - especially probability. Therefore one probability problem that I keep encountering is that of 2 bears where the answer given by the problem creator is always the same and is always wrong! I therefore feel so strongly right about my answer that I will put it forth in this blog and wait for the reader's comments.

Problem:
There are 2 bears - one black and one white. One of them is male. What is the probability that both of them are male?

My Solution:
This is a problem of conditional probability. The condition is given, that one of them is male. Now the question is, is the other one also male? The probability that the other one is male is 1/2. Also, if the other one is male, then both are male, then the probability of both being male is also 1/2.

The so-called Expert's Solution: (copy-pasted from a site)
"Now assume I told you that one of the bears is male. What is the probability that both are males? Of the three possible outcomes (mf, fm, mm) only the last where both bears are male is favorable. The answer is 1/3."
Isn't the error glaring at your face? If you are so sure about one of them being male, then why include him in the sample space? It does not matter whether the white one or the black one is the male. The sample space should only be (m,f). By giving the answer as 1/3 you are implying that there is a 2/3 chance that the other bear is a female.

These buggers go on to add that if it is mentioned that the white bear is male, then the probability of both being male becomes 1/2 (my answer). I repeat, it does not matter which coloured bear is male. Now I know what troubled Michael Jackson enough to write the song "It don't matter if you're black or white." It wasn't bigotry and racism, it was this confounded problem.

I've seen such answers all over the web and do not understand how so many people could be wrong in the same or similar problems! Comments are welcome!

"Dabavine Khavanu"

Those people who got to know me post-2001 laugh hysterically when I tell them I was underweight at a point of time. They laugh even louder when I tell them I found the sight of food nauseating. Those people who have not met me post-1997 faint at the sight of the overweight Salil. Let me bore you with one more chronological detail - between 1997 to 2001 was my golden period.

But seriously, my underweight period was quite intense. After skipping breakfast, I used to eat 1.5 rotis at lunch when people were looking and get away with eating just 1 roti when no one was looking. I used to live on 4-5 glasses of milk per day and half a packet of maggi which my sister made for me once a month. I also used to take about an hour to finish those 1.5 rotis. My strategy was to tire out the person assigned to ensure that I eat well. In school tiffins, if my mom gave me something heavy like sandwiches, I used to hand over the tiffin to my friends who used to happily finish it for me.

So what happened? How did I transform from a skeletal Khetu to a gluttonous Khetu? The answer is that it is the work of my genes. A Khetani is known to overstuff himself with food and buttermilk. He has tremendous capacity for food intake.

It was late 1994 I guess and my genes had had enough of this undernourished nonsense. The person who made me realize the glories of overeating was none other than a Khetani himself. His phrase was "dabavine khavanu" translated into Hindi as "daba ke khane ka."

He is my grandfather's first cousin. He had invited all Khetanis for lunch in some pre-wedding ceremony of his daughter. I was sitting quitely staring at my food and wondering whether I have overstuffed my plate with 2 whole puris. The host suddenly appeared from nowhere and the 10 minute talk he gave me changed my life forever! He extolled the concept of "dabavine khavanu". He told me stories of how his Khetani brothers had won eating contests in the past. He inspired me to look at food on your plate as a challenge and not as a task. He associated a Khetani's manliness with the amount of food he can eat. It was such a stirring speech that after he left, I non only ate those 2 puris, but also 8 more! There was no looking back after that encounter. "Dabavine Khavanu" has inspired me for 15 years now.

Also, another set of genes did not want to be left behind and swung into action. I once observed my maternal grandfather finish 4 rotis and rice in a little over 5 minutes. Now, not only I eat dabavingly, but I finish food in record time too.

Swine Flu

I was thinking of writing this piece in my other more formal and civilized blog site. However, I put it off since that site comes without a disclaimer of any kind!! In any case, I will put a disclaimer here lest people misunderstand me: I perfectly empathize with the victims of this disease. I also believe that air-borne as well as tactile diseases are hard to control. I also fully respect the authorities who are working hard to stop its propagation. My only problem is the media, because they are having a field day!!

I just saw a news channel where a lady was teaching people how to wash hands! It seems washing hands is the new cool thing to do; and if you are wearing a mask - you are a really happening dude. Welcome to 24x7 news! Now there is a 'larger than life' pandemic to report, so let us reporters wear our masks, go to the testing centres, harass already harried people standing in line by asking them questions like: "How long have you been standing here?" Keep reporting in red the number of deaths and the number of infected people.

The media has crossed the line from creating awareness to creating panic! The reporters are going the Barkha Dutt way by panting heavily, talking loudly and painting a picture which is worse than what actually may be the case!

The reason for media overhype is pretty simple. The people who can watch television can possibly become victims of the flu, hence they will be glued to the sets since they are scared. Ditto with newspapers. They keep scores like cricket matches.

The Early Bird

They say that the Early Bird gets the Worm. Frankly, I don't know who the 'they' in "They say" are but I'm not so sure I agree with what 'they' say. I have a habit of being early everywhere but I haven't got the worm yet! To be fair to 'they' I haven't actively looked for worms neither am I a bird. Frankly, I've been damaging my brain lately by watching a stupid jungle reality show and have realized that worms don't taste that good. More about that later, we are talking about earliness! (Don't know if there is a word like earliness).

I wake up unfashionably early; I'm early for interviews; when I was in sales, I was always early for client meets; I'm early for parties and functions; frankly, I'm sick and tired of being early everywhere. I must be the only salesperson who got shouted at by his client for coming in early! I've realized very late that it is not in the Indian ethos to be on time, leave alone being early. I'm glad that I'm late at least somewhere.

What these 'they' people don't say is that the early worm gets eaten by the bird. Even if I do get eaten by a bird, I'm sure people will not refer to me as the 'late' Salil Khetani posthumously!

Tuesday Blues

No, I do not get the Monday Blues. After unwinding in the weekend, I have enough positive energy to carry me through Monday. It is on Tuesday that I feel worn out. This is because there is still a long way to go in the work week and all the positive energy gets drained out on Monday itself. Thats why I get the Tuesday Blues.

I was in fact born on a Monday, I was quite cheerful that day as it was my birthday, but I faintly remember crying a lot on the next day.